Tales by Moonlight

No Impact Without Contact

Laying Bricks

bricks

Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour – James Clear 

Happy new month, new year, new rewrite of 2016 resolutions and what not. What a time to be alive. This year has packed so much in the last 7 months that its like ‘can we restart July? I think I need to breathe’.

I ran into this quote above and its got me thinking. We all know this quote by John Heywood that ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ right? We say it to explain that good things take time, you need to be patient. I think James Clear came and completed the silent half of that quote, the builders were laying bricks every hour.

We have ‘ho-hummed’ about this year, so many of us have plans to have/achieve certain things by a certain time, and we have the finished pictures in our heads- all well and good. We often don’t picture the need to have the bricks in place every day for us to see the finished product. We just somehow expect our plans to lift from paper/tablet and ta-daa become reality there and then. We often don’t realise that you gotta work it out.

See the laying bricks part is never fun, it is not designed to be fun I think. Your drive is having the finished image in your mind at all times, at a point the brick laying now becomes more fun as the pattern you are building is become more obvious to see, to the point where you are now excited to see the fully finished product.

Importantly, lay the bricks every day. Do something daily that contributes to your vision, to that plan you have, just go for it daily. The year has four more months to go, we can still accomplish so many things, we can still set many bricks in place such that even if you don’t finish building by 31st December, you are better off than you are today.

Its also key to build according to pattern, to be methodical and not random in what you do each day in order to achieve the overall vision. A sniper needs to focus his shot, focus your energy, don’t be causing chaos and commotion by scattering your bricks.

No matter how small the step, keep putting one step in front of the other. Even the act of mentally taking a decision in itself is a brick, put another on it, and another, and another. Keep at it and soon your work will be clear for all to see.

Here’s to a super successful remainder of the year, see you at the top!

Love & Blessings!

Advertisements
Leave a comment »

Laser

lens

I’ve made a few more apologies that I really would have loved to lately. Why? I am constantly being accused of not seeing / acknowledging people when out and about. In fact I am so aware of this that I apologise in advance like ‘please if you see me out and I do not acknowledge you, absolutely nothing personal, its just that I have programmed my mind to a particular destination and until I get there I don’t see anything else’. Usually this is met with the ‘oh I understand, no problem’ but I still have my apology on the ready in the event that it does become a problem.

I’ve thought about this severally, like why do I do this? Its not like I do not take cognisance of my surroundings- I do the necessary SWOT scan and move in whatever direction best suits my destination. See if I’ve made up my mind to go from Harrods to Oxford Street, I plan my route (I am not of the ‘lets see how it goes-que sera sera’ ilk- from my experience que does not always sera sera) and I move in line with that, its like all I see is ‘get to Oxford Street, get to Oxford Street’. Its not then I will be looking for Battersea Dogs Home in the middle of Knightsbridge or enter Aldo and be looking for shoes that did not call my name. I am amazed at ladies who can spend the whole day in the market……doing what?? I go in with my list, get my list done and bounce! I won’t stand in front of the butcher and be haggling about why a kilo of beef is now costing 1,200 instead of 1,000, I just don’t have the energy for that. Unless on days I plan to meander and go with the wind then I am as free and casual as a bird!

I used to feel so terrible about this until I saw it from a different perspective [thank you PB!], what others see as me deliberately ignoring them is actually an expression of my laser like focus! Focus is setting on a course of action and staying on till it is completed. No matter how long it takes, you stay on till the very end. Until I get to my destination I am like a missile lock. See in many ways success requires a laser like focus, it requires tenacity, not giving up even when nothing else is working and no one believes you. Don’t worry its too early for the applause, you just do you boo! The standing ovation awaits you don’t be in a rush for it.

No matter your course of action you cannot afford to be distracted. Like I saw a quote that says ‘you will not get to your destination if you throw stones at every dog that barks at you’. If you notice everyone, reply every critic, move with every wind of change honey you won’t get there. You just stay locked and loaded on your focus, adjust your strategy if need be but stay on your purpose. Success is not for the lackadaisical, it is not for those who meander through life waiting for miracles instead of going out there and positioning for the miracles, and giving God a chance to work with what you’re giving Him.

Staying on your focus will involve change. Like PB said change is hard, change is doing away with status quo and charting a new course, but you have to do it. One of the reasons why I think an artist like Madonna is so successful is because she knows how to change in order to stay current. She knows how to read the times and move as her passion to remain Number 1 demands. Change is battening down the hatches, closing as many failure loopholes as you can that would have distracted you from your focus. If my focus is to be Number 1 its up to me to stay on that. You don’t need to understand it, its my focus. You will have critics- dealwiddit. You don’t answer them all, soon they will get it.

Focus is you seeing you achieving it before you actually get there, you have seen the end from the beginning so you tailor your path in line with that. You should have seen you in that destination over and over again before actually getting there, staying on your focus is bringing that mental image into reality. See it in your mind before you see it before your eyes.

2016 is still young, there is still so many courses of actions you and I can set in motion, so many chances to get on our epic ‘2016 Resolutions’. Stay focused, its possible.

 

Love,

TBM.

Leave a comment »

Killing You Softly

dogval

Its a little hard to escape that this is Valentine’s week, hardly a day goes by that I don’t see a post/tweet about Valentine’s Day. Personally I am unbothered so this is not a spew or diatribe of ‘woe is me’. First of all no woes for me, and secondly if you know what I know you would be unbothered too. I share the opinion of love being a 24/7 expression, if your Boo is only buying you gifts [yeah ladies straight looking at you too] and tells you ‘I love you’ only on that day then you’ve got waaaay bigger problems than you acknowledge.

On this day however there is a spectrum of thoughts going on the minds of the single folk- this creates a spectrum of behaviours which range from the hilarious to the weird.

There will be a set of singles who will be trying to prove that they’re happy today. You know the militant ‘girl I don’t need no man to make me happy’ squad, so they do singles only activities, post up a billion selfies and hashtag it with loads of Beyonce ‘pre Jay-Z and Blue Ivy’ lyrics. Hey nothing wrong with showing you are not bothered but please do not be militant about it- we get it, you’re happy being single.

There will be those who will choose today to wail about how they haveth no boo. Wailing about being boo-less will not paint a good picture of you. It is what it is, your boo could be one DM/Like/Whatsapp chat away. Its just one day contrived by society to celebrate love, if you look around there’s probably someone making cow eyes at you wishing you would love them. Smile, don’t whine and get on with the day, its a Sunday- how about you tell God thank you? Its not all thorns honey, see the roses. Don’t wear the expression of a freshly baptised cat, get happy! You can eat a lot of chocolates though if you’re not sure how to be happy- chocolates work wonders for my mood especially ones like Ferrero Rocher or Godiva.

There are those who are ashamed to have no Valentine, so they will send cards and gifts to themselves in the name of an imaginary incrediBOO- so where your friend suspiciously got a gift from a John who seems to have materialised from Google you might wanna check her story [if you have nothing productive doing with your life enough to be an FBI i.e. Fake Boo Inspector]. Being by yourself on this one day is not the end of your world and is nothing to be ashamed of. You have nothing to prove to nobody about anything. If anyone feels sanctimonious and wanna look down on you cos you’re not in a relationship at the moment, that is their headache wrapped in a hangover. Keep your money for when she/he turns up it will be worth it, trust me. If you wanna buy yourself something you go on and get that Samsung s6 Edge + and tell the world you spent YOUR money on YOURself, any further enquiries- talk to God. When you enter the mode of desperation you will attract all sorts of rats, all sorts of creatures who have no business being around you a man/woman of timber and calibre. You expose yourself to vultures who will prey on you and clean you out of mind, body and soul. You deserve better than this. Channel your feelings into a productive way- music, art, science, dog sledding, don’t get down on yourself IT.IS.JUST.A.DAY

We will have a subset of singles who truly don’t remember it is Valentine’s Day because they have scheduled a thousand meetings and money activities on that day, they’re on their grind after all the Pink Range Rover Sport 2016 edition will not buy itself abi? Make that bread so we can break bread [I am not a rapper, I promise!]. Like a quote I saw one time which says ‘I’m so busy that I don’t know if I lost my horse or found a rope’. Can’t blame them though- no romance without finance. After all you cannot buy Pampers with kisses or formula with hugs.

godiva

There will be that sensible set who are aware it is Valentine’s Day and they are not trying to post a thousand ‘I love me’ photos, send themselves cards, busy being busy or pretend like its not happening, but they’re like ‘Hey Valentine, I see you over there- do your thing honey, I got you next year’. They return ‘happy Valentine’s Day’ greetings, do not burst into tears at the sight of a box of chocolates and are in the moment of every experience of that day. Yeah they would have loved to be boo-ed up in time for the day but as its not so they’re not mad at life. The way this life is set up, they understand they could very much be in love full steam next February so why stress? The year is young, things will change.

For the singles with boos [whether own or borrowed] the dilemma of ‘what to buy’ is real. I feel for the guys who this year will receive either socks, singlet, or boxers [if she really loves you you get all or 2 out of 3] after buying Peruvian wave colour 1 with 6 months salary. Money helps love but its not all that love comprises of. Oga do what you can afford; if all you can afford is a hug, honey hug it out! Remember that bills are due on the 15th. Love is not about a collection of mementos [which should not be used as an excuse for stingy singles to get out of getting a gift they can afford, come on my friend spend that cash!], it is a soul connection.

There is a unique subset of ‘taken’ single females who will be hoping for that bling. You have been with him for 10,000 years, seen every shade of his BS that you could possibly imagine [he has more to show you btw], you knew him when Moses was in the basket on the Nile, yet mandem is looking as if they just unfroze him from a block of ice, looking like a deer caught in the headlights every time the M word is mentioned. Sistren- do well and live your life. I have learnt one thing out of many in this area- you cannot force commitment from a man or woman who just isn’t ready. Assess things, be realistic enough on what you’re both feeling and make sure you’re both on the same wavelength. Enjoy Valentine’s Day for what it is, don’t give yourself hypertension because Oga hyperventilates every time he sees a gele.

For the married folks- let today not be the only day you let your spouse know you love them please. Romance is not just for 18 year olds, go out with each other, date each other, write that romantic letter to him/her, don’t say ‘oh I’m too old for this, or its not for people like us’, buy flowers if she’s not the flowers type then find her thing and put a bow on it [a Pink Bentley is my thing, you can hold the bow thank you very much!]. Same for the ladies please do not buy him another tie, boxers, cufflinks, singlet…. no, no, no, and are you kidding me??? Think outside the box, love is creative (Christian Louboutin is still making some baaad shoes for the guys too, I don’t know any man with blood in his veins who would turn his nose up at one of such wonders) .

Whatever you choose to do make sure it is what you want to do. Be authentic to the precious, incredible, wonderful, oh so fabuloso you God has designed you to be. Remember the One who loves you enough to die for you, this is love without expiry dates, love that was not borne out of what you did but simply because it is love. Don’t choose that day to be miserable, to hate, to cry, to be depressed, and to ask God ‘why wasn’t that one who got the hot babe to say yes, or got the ring bling from that perfect guy?’. Be in the moment, enjoy the life you’re given, know that there is more to whatever it is you’re seeing right now.  Singles don’t be with someone just so you can shout ‘I have boo too’ on Valentine’s Day. Love is many things it is not pain, heart ache, abusive, mind/soul numbingly crippling, it is not being uncertain whether or not they’re on your squad or not, it is not losing your sense of self worth or crossing oceans for a partner who would not jump a teaspoon for you; in the words of Gwyneth Paltrow ‘consciously uncouple’ from that nonsense.

See enjoy the day, and for some people who truly don’t get what the fuss is about, happy Sunday honey- live long, prosper, and enjoy your Sunday lunch.

TBM

 

1 Comment »

Time Out

relax1

I once saw an image that said ‘happiness is not having to set the alarm the next day’ and you know what? I couldn’t agree more. When you’re constantly on the go, constantly working and always up to something, it is so easy to forget that you need time to rest. Even the Creator of the world worked for six days solid and took a day off. It is important to note that He worked more than He rested [some people have taken that to mean six days of rest, one day of work], and unless you have a medical condition which prevents you from being as productive as you could be, work and rest go hand in hand.

I am guilty of this- not setting aside time to rest. I can be up and about, going like a hamster on a spacecraft, and yet few months or a year into it I feel a bit burnt out, like I am mentally fatigued and tired. Yes you can give me all the scriptures to encourage me to carry on but honestly for how long?? The Bible balances the need for work AND rest. It is not a bad thing to say ‘I need a day off to sleep’ if truly you have been working and working productively. There is nothing wrong with asking for time off to go on a holiday to reboot. I would have an issue if you’re ALWAYS asking for time off, ALWAYS on a holiday, ALWAYS skiving off work and just generally being as useless as a cardboard box in a sea storm. If like me you feel guilty when asking and you have to plan days off with military precision, ask yourself- if you burn out and you have to be confined to a hospital because something exploded in you, won’t the work go on? If you overwork yourself and your heart gives way, do you think the world will stop turning on its axis just because of you? Kings and kingdoms pass away yet the world hasn’t stopped turning. I think it’s the Sainsbury’s chain of supermarkets that has this health range I love the name ‘be good to yourself’. We’re so busy being kind and wonderful to others we forget we need to reboot once in a while. I can only give what I have.relax2

When you finally decide to take time off, it gives you something other than deadlines and targets to look forward to. Have days within the time off when you do abs and pecsolutely nothing….like not a  thing. Enjoy not being busy because you know once you’re done with the time off its snap back to reality. I even think even while you’re out and about, you must be good to yourself. Eat right, get a decent amount of sleep in, have some ‘you’ time. See how will you hear God if you never slow it down for Him to talk to you? You’re always like ‘not now Jesus, I have a group presentation that if I don’t finish my part, the earth’s ice caps will melt!!!!’ I’m sure Jesus is there looking at you like ‘?!?!?!?!?!?!?!’, and don’t even think confining God to the first 5 minutes of your day is sufficient [will blog on that later]. How will you have time to assess your progress properly if you are ALWAYS on the go? You’re here, you’re there, you’re in more places than the wind. Now thanks to technology, you’re solving problems in mainland China while creating new ones in Zanzibar while trying to navigate traffic in Los Angeles.

relaxWas talking to one of my sisters the other day and she complained of not feeling too great, honestly I think all she needs is rest. She just needs time for her body to be inactive for a bit- not the kind of inactivity when you are sleeping but your mind is very much awake, you wake up crankier and even more tired. Are you feeling like you’re at the edge of a burnout? Then you need to pull back a bit and rest. The world may try and make you feel bad for wanting to take time off to reboot but guess what? This same world will move on whether or not you’re here. Even Jesus would often withdraw from the masses and go to pray…..that was his way of resting. You have to learn to chill, learn to even within your busy schedule, set time to rest. Don’t let a medical condition have to happen in order for you to slow down. Be good to yourself

Love & Blessings

Leave a comment »

Shadow Boxing

boxer

Life is beautiful, I will maintain that regardless of whatever phase of life we’re at. There is nothing like living in a moment, being present where and when you need to be. At the same time it is so easy to be caught up in the drama of the moment.

We all know about drama, I don’t mean Days of Our Lives, but some melodramas of life really do play out like an episode of Days of Our Lives. We’ve starred in some, been supporting casts, probably directed a few, and in some cases been in the audience to watch an epic dramatic moment of days of other people’s lives. I know I know some of us were ‘standing up for what we believe in’, acting on principles and what not, but really and truly how many of these dramas are based on principles and matters of integrity?

I once dated a guy for a couple of years that I never had a single fight with him [yes guys girls like me do exist]. Now was he such a saint that I did not see need to fight him? Far from it, infact….let’s not go there shall we :)? Was I such a saint myself? Of course not. Instead I have a rule I have applied to my life before I get involved in drama…in six months time will this issue matter? If it is on a matter that deals with core principles and affairs then go on and have it out properly. But if we’re honest with ourselves, a lot of the issues in the grand scheme of things really boils down to absolutely nothing. There are times when people would do really annoying things, I have to force myself to think if what I’m about to respond to really matters? If I think it does then I will respond accordingly. If not then I let it slide, like ‘look I ain’t got time for this foolishness’.

Does this mean I’m bending over and let people take me for a ride? No. It simply means I’m choosing my battles. We expend too much energy fighting and boxing shadows that when its time to go in on what really matters you’re too tired. This is why I simply can’t understand why people expend so much energy having social media drama. You and some random random in Randomtown are busy slugging it out over someone calling your favourite artiste an idiot. I’m talking name calling and just daft things, when in the real life you’re likely infinitely more successful than the fanboy/girl. In the real life off your keyboard your personality there is what really matters. Anyone can go on Twitter, get 2 Million followers and be spouting supposed words on wisdom when in real life they don’t have a life, and they certainly don’t/can’t  practice their words. In real life as well, you don’t respond to every accusation. For example would you respond to a mentally insane person yelling abuse at you? No. You assess him/her and know they’re not in control of their actions so you don’t take it personal.

More importantly, we won’t always have the time we do now forever. Every assignment has a time limit, and there aren’t always room for extension, sometimes your time is just up and we have to move on. Instead of getting bothered over the secondary aspects of life, why not find your assignment and work on accomplishing it? Don’t get caught up in the pettiness of life, because some are just diversions from what really matters. Remind yourself of what really matters and stay focused on these. Choose your battles wisely, don’t spread yourself too thin by focusing your energies on where it isn’t needed.

Find your focus and fulfill it.

TBM.

Leave a comment »

Rememberlutions

Embed from Getty Images

Happy New Year my lovelies! Oh its been a while since you’ve heard from me? Please don’t be angry with me, I’ve spent much of this month booting and prepping for what is looking to be a glorious year. I know we all have made plans on how this year’s gonna be [I suggest writing them down, sticking them where you can see, or if you’re a total techie have it on your digital whatchumacallit so you can access it at 2:59am if you so wish].

I came across what I think is a really cool idea on this from Buzzfeed (http://www.buzzfeed.com/alannaokun/im-so-im-so-proud-of-you#.fkw2R79mq) and its putting together a ‘Rememberlutions’ jar [there I was thinking I had the exclusive license for making up words]. Basically this is creating a jar with a lid where you write down the super cool things you did this year, then come December 31, 2015 you can open it and oooh and aaaah till you’re tired. You’d think I was joking until I schlepped a big jar with a lid like the ones I saw in the Buzzfeed article from my mother’s kitchen to my yard and so far I’ve got two super cool things I did in it, I’m working on a third one so I can’t wait to add that in there. Whatever you wanna remember, once you do it, write it and stick it in the jar……its not too far off from the memory box I used to do when I was younger…..and will do again this year [my dream is to have a like a museum of my memories as a little house on my main residence, where I can store and note down everything I was blessed to do/experience- primarily to let my great grandkids know that Great Granny’s awesomeness didn’t start yesterday, she’s been one cool cat since way back when.

I’m a sucker for storing and keeping memories, why? We can get so caught up in life that we forget to stop and acknowledge the beauty of our experiences, to know that we’re not living in vain, that life is not all about paying bills and keeping up with whoever, you have to stop and breathe. A thought came to my head the other day ‘you’re too hard on yourself, sometimes just stop and enjoy’- that certainly did not come from my head because anyone who knows me understands that when I flip to work mode, you cannot talk to me until I’m done, my focus is on getting the job done, #nostories. A rememberlutions jar will also help me take my resolutions from paper to reality because I kinda wanna write that I did those things. So there you go, come December 31 2015 I wanna be able to place my jar and my resolutions side by side and see that not only did I achieve a great amount, I exceeded them.

So go forth and be awesome, create your own jar and fill it with many awesome memories. In fact nothing says you can’t have more than one, fill up as many as you can, then look forward to opening them and being thankful for a super 2015. I want to fill up 4, you know, one for every quarter.

TBM

Leave a comment »

Thank You!

celeb

Oh what a year 2014 has been! From the moment it was declared as Happy Days, I knew that the year will certainly be a year to remember. This year I learnt, I loved, I lived. No matter how the year may have been, whether you had more highs than lows, that you are here reading it is a sign that you made it! You’re stronger than they thought! What was designed to break you, actually did the opposite….it built you. You may not know it now but trust me, you will be thankful it happened. You’re gonna come out so thankful for it cos it led to better things.

I want to use this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you. Thank you for stopping by to read my words, your presence inspires me, thanks for the comments, and I’m sorry for any inconsistencies, 2015 I will surely do better than I did this year. May this season birth new and glorious things in your life. May 2015 be a year of never ending awesomeness for you, you start it with joy and you will end it with praise. No matter how 2014 is looking like it will end, 2015 holds better for you, just stay strong, hold on, and be consistent, consistency is the key to breakthrough and you will make it.

Sending you love, light and blessings, see you all in the new year. Happy New Year to you!!!

TBM

Leave a comment »

Happy birthday Mummy D!!!!

mummyd

Today I take time out to celebrate on both of my blogs, an exceptional woman of God. You know when they say behind every successful man is a woman? Well allow me to modify that to behind every successful man is an incredible woman, Pastor Modele Fatoyinbo is a clear example of that.
I don’t refer to her as ‘my Pastor’s wife’ because she’s far much more than that [I actually find it a bit derogatory to call her just that, as if all her brilliance doesn’t make her a person in her own right, she’s more than an appendage]. Mummy Dee as she’s fondly called [or P.Mo] is many things to many people. Let me get superficial for a second- this woman is gorgeous- I mean eyes, skin, the full works. She always looks so put together, a feat which many single women cannot achieve [I stand to learn a lot in that area], how much more a mother of 5 children? One day one day she will tell me her beauty secrets, until then I am copying her style for future pastingmummyd1
I like to describe Mummy Dee as having the composure of ice, but the intensity of fire…..I can’t explain it beyond that. She is intelligent, witty, so humble, selfless, and hard working. Pastor Biodun is so quick to acknowledge the fact that Mummy Dee puts in work into the ministry, and coming from him that is a huge deal! She’s wherever whatever needs to be done, she’s not like ‘oooh too dusty, my mani will get messy’, she talks the walk, and walks the talk.mummyd2
The first time I heard her pray on the pulpit, I almost fainted, why? Her intensity, her ‘I’m not hearing you say anything!’, she prays like her life depends on it and actually……it does. She prays and worships with the intensity of a lioness protecting her cubs. There was an event for COZA workers where we were privileged to have the late great Dr. Myles Munroe teach, he referred to her as the lioness of COZA, she’s the one empowered to dispense the grace in the house [don’t quote me though] but that lioness analogy stuck in my head cos it aptly describes her…..the lioness of the house of COZA. She goes out there, advances the vision, protects her cubs, stands with her king, and does all this while looking flawless, not a hair out place.

mummyd4

Always so quick to honour my Senior Pastor, you can tell she defers to him not just in public but in private, and her impact in his life cannot be quantified. She’s his mood lifter, courage giver, heart protector, home maker, soul encourager, faith helper, spirit strengthener, child bearer, comedy central, trust builder, hand holder, food processor, and secret keeper amongst other things. She took a chance on a young pastor who armed without a dime but with the vision asked this babe to follow him, and she did…..no questions asked. From the days in Ilorin, till this very day, through the mountain highs, the valley lows, and the neutral plains, Mummy D has been right there in the forefront of his life and ministry, she’s COZAs first member [Reg. No 00000000000000000000000000000000000001]. I suspect that many things he may have not done if she wasn’t there saying ‘go on and do it- fear not’, it takes a great woman to appeal to the king in her man and bring him out. I know beyond the glimpse we see from afar, there is so much more to her that meets the eye. I’ve always felt that about her, beneath her exterior lies a depth not many have the privilege of knowing.

mummyd5
She is a mother to many, a Deborah in the house of COZA, a dispenser of grace and beauty, a wonderful example of the Proverbs 31 woman. Today Pastor Modele Fatoyinbo I celebrate your life, I thank God for the gift that you are to us, I thank you so much for standing strong with Pastor Biodun and paving the way for the rest of us to follow. Thank you for being such a great example of spirituality and excellence. Thank you for all that you are to our amazing PB, it takes a queen like you to bring out the king in your man. When I am President….or First Lady, I will make today a public holiday [as well as a few other birthdays I got in mind], because ma, you are a legend in the making. Happy birthday to you Ma, I celebrate you with every fibre of my being!

mummyd3

TBM

1 Comment »

Finding Closure

Embed from Getty Images

We’ve all been there, the aftermath of a breakup, or the aftershock of an argument with someone close to you that appeared out of nowhere and left broken emotions, and hearts in its wake. We’ve all been there where you are trying to figure out what just happened, how a sunny situation can go from 0 to whatthehell?! in less than 2 seconds.

Ideally after an argument, someone should come to their senses, be the bigger person, and give the proper apologies; the other party counters with another apology, everyone kisses and makes up and the day is back to being sunny again. Truth be told it doesn’t always happen this way. You’re the person who was wronged yet it seems you have to be the one issuing out grovelling apologies, then one day comes and another epic argument happens and that’s it- you’re done apologizing, you switch to that ‘whatever’ mode- you’ve rolled the dice so you let it ride, however way it lands you’re good. And the dice rolls in the wrong way, and for some reason you’re still expecting the person who wronged you to come to their senses. This happens especially in a romantic relationship termination where say someone cheated, or someone does something so awfully terrible that you have no choice but to bounce. Honey you will go through the motions- unless thou art made of steel, thou art most likely to wail, cry, flush things down the toilet, be angry at your ex, be angry at yourself, fake that smile, think about it like a sore wound for 24/7, wail some more, pray a lot [you will alternate between fire and brimstone to rain on them, and forgiveness for the previous prayer], you will likely do all of this and then some. The most painful part to you is where the person who wronged you lacks the courtesy to realise their wrong and actually apologise, and by apology I don’t mean one half-assed attempt at saying sorry which when considered, is emptiness filled with nothingness. You can be there for months or years expecting an apology that may never actually turn up.

I know you have every reason to be upset, you have every reason to want an apology, to mend the fences- even if the old status quo cannot be returned to, you want simply an acknowledgement of the offence by the ex. Let me be realer with you, you may be on a super long thing which hurts even more when you see said ex moving on and whatnot while you seem stuck on one level- apparently the fire and brimstone prayers haven’t worked so far.

My advice? Let it go. Come to the realization that yes you were hurt, but you cannot afford to stay hurt forever. Staying hurt means becoming bitter- and no one wants a bitter hater for a friend, life’s too amazing for that. It may not even be in the context of a relationship, but acknowledge the pain, and the source- don’t sweep it under the carpet with vices like over-eating, drugs, alcohol, casual sex, excessive stalking of ex’s social media, they don’t work- they make it worse. Accept the fact that the apology may never come from them ever, but it should not stop you from moving on. You may get that apology but not get closure like you want; you don’t need to wait for them to close the door for you, grip that door handle and pull it shut.

This is the time to be open to new positive experiences- to take that trip like you’ve always wanted, do that course, to pray those non fire and brimstone prayers, to just know what its like to be you again after however long it was when it was you and xyz. This is the time to be so expectant that good things are coming your way, but you cannot drive a car when you’re constantly looking at the rear view mirror. PB always says that there is a reason why God put your eyes in front of your head, its because your future is greater than your past; also that there is a reason why your windscreen/front mirror is much bigger than that tiny hanging mirror in your car, you need to face ya front and make progress that way, you will likely literally kill yourself if all you’re looking at is that rear view mirror. I only look back fleetingly for several reasons- to thank God for how far He’s brought me, to remember good experiences, and not to repeat the bad experiences. I don’t focus on the past, I am excited about the future- and you should be too.

So she/he walked out on you, tried to mess up your shine, or didn’t come through as expected, not to worry- focus on putting one leg in front of the other daily, keep it moving. No need to wait for a phantom apology, let them see you in a much better, brighter and glorious position than when they saw you last, so they know that they are not your source/reason for being, they didn’t make you so they cannot break you, that you’re not shining in order to throw anything in their faces, but because that’s joy radiating from within. You’re better because you faced your front, you opened yourself up to making the best of the awesome experience that is life, that you’re no longer stuck on the past because better dey come. They’re a part of your past, accept it, and don’t keep opening the sores. One day you will stop talking to yourself [and everyone around you] about them, one day you’ll realize you’re too busy to even remember who offended you in the first place, one day you will catch your gorgeous image in the mirror and smile at yourself. Scars and stripes you have them all, but you have changed your focus to a better one.

How fast you move on and into the better experiences is up to you, create that closure [delete numbers, emails, and what nots, leave their social media circle, and try not to go stalking them on it], get busy, pray them the hell outta your life, but honey keep it moving. Again- they didn’t make you so they cannot break you.

Find your closure- grip that handle, and pull that door shut…for good.

TBM

Embed from Getty Images
Leave a comment »

In Memory of

mm

This is one post I never imagined I’d be writing anytime within the next three to four decades; been reading the news hoping, praying, and wishing it wasn’t true but the more I read and see updates, the harsher it hits. On Sunday, one of the titans of the Kingdom Dr Myles Munroe, his lovely wife, and some members of his team went to be with the Lord.

I can’t really process this as Dr Myles has been one of the most influential leaders and teachers in the Kingdom- very few men of God presently can claim to not have heard of, or be impacted by his words in the last twenty years, infact bring that down to the every day Christian, he was an authority on kingdom leadership. His books are instant best sellers, and remains one of the best things to ever come out of the island of Bahamas, in fact he’s synonymous with The Bahamas. When I think of The Bahamas, the first thought in my head is his name. He in no small way has made a huge difference in my life, one of my kingdom mentors I am honestly at a loss…..

I had the privilege of being present every time he taught in my church. He was so humble, gracious in his carriage and charisma, funny, and so engaging. He had a concise and clear way of teaching, and I loved the fact that he taught with slides so you could follow his thoughts. I will go back to those moments, to those notes, and remember what great impact you made in our lives.

My utmost condolences go out to the families, friends, and everyone connected to all persons onboard, whether pilots, cabin crew, or the rest of his staff on board. We’ve lost one of our generals here on earth, but as a kingdom ambassador, I see it as his home country recalled him. Dr Myles, you served humanity selflessly, you were doing kingdom business till the very end, you did well. Thank you sir for the nations you’ve impacted, for the lives your words have changed for the better, thank you for everything you did for the kingdom. I hope angels met you and the rest on board with a red carpet, noisy celebration. I hope they placed on you garlands of heavenly flowers and shook your hands. I know Jesus saved a smile for you, you’re probably basking in His Presence, like ‘wow, Jesus is beyond words’. Have you met Paul, Peter, Moses, Abraham, and all the other icons we’ve read about? Help me ask David where in fighting 66 battles he had the time to compose 150 psalms, and how long did it take to write Psalm 118? Do thank them for me because its in their obedience to God’s will that we are infinitely better today. We caught the fire and we spread the fire sir, that time you invested in us, was certainly not wasted, its still bearing fruit even till tomorrow.

Dr Ruth, you supported this great man, never tried to clip his wings, nor refused to let him share his light with the world. I cannot thank you enough for being such a great role model for women worldwide, and for being a great example of the Proverbs 31 woman. All I just remember of you is always being by his side, smiling. I am sure many can speak of you with greater detail, with examples that show your strength, courage, character, and spirit. All I can say is thank you for allowing Dr. Myles Munroe be Dr. Myles Munroe- for those sacrifices you made for the kingdom in times no one saw, God saw and thank you ma. Thank you. I’m sure Ruth in the Bible will be excited to meet you for being a worthy bearer of her name.

I will end this with a quote from himIMG_20141110_090612Without a shadow of a doubt, your life had purpose- one of which was helping others discover their purpose and fulfilling it. I celebrate you Dr. & Mrs. Myles Munroe, rest in peace.

Leave a comment »